Are you your own worst enemy?  I know I am often, and have been for a very long time.

At the time I originally wrote this post, I was taking part in a Facebook challenge to dig deep into my ‘darkness’, the side of me that I don’t like others to see.

It was a liberating but challenging experience!

I am quite comfortable writing about my past, and the way I used to be, but don’t always like to admit that I am still a hot mess sometimes.

But there you are, I just admitted it.  I don’t live in a blissful yogic bubble of peace and calm.  I often make myself really cross, and battle with the same self sabotage that steered me through 20 years of addiction and major self destruction tendencies.

I am still a master of self sabotage sometimes, still work very much against my own best interests and what I actually want from my life.

20 years of addiction didn’t come out of nowhere, the self sabotaging tendencies were strong in me before I started turning to alcohol to escape from myself – if they weren’t, my life would have looked a lot different!  So I have been honing my craft for a long time.  That isn’t going to go away overnight.

Studying the Saboteur

But I do manage to rise above it.  Not only with the big things like quitting drinking, but with the little things, like going to bed when I am tired instead of staying up too late.  Not having that packet of crisps I have a momentary craving for when I am trying to eliminate junk food.  Making sure I get my spiritual practice in even when I don’t get to my yoga mat straight away (I have told myself that I don’t do it if I don’t do it first thing for so long I had started to believe and accept it…I have just come from my mat at 12.30 in the afternoon after being determined to rise above this).

If I can rise above my self sabotage, then so can you.

In addition to this challenge, which is an exercise in self study, I have recently re-started a journaling practice that I am making sure I do a little of every day.  This is really helping me to combat the saboteur in me.

I am looking at who I want to be, how I think about myself, how I want to live, what I want my future to look at, what I really think about my life and more.  It has opened my eyes up to a few truths I hadn’t noticed already!

I have realised how much of my dreams are achievable if only I get out of my own way and fully embrace all aspects of myself.

I have come to see how much I really want certain things from life

I know now that I am only as much of a hot mess as I allow myself to be.

And I know what I can do right now to cool down and tidy up!

Journaling is a powerful way to explore who we are.

It can be quite shocking at times, we often find we come face to face with parts of ourselves we didn’t know about, had forgotten about, or had done a marvellous job of hiding from ourselves.

We can spot patterns in our behaviour and trace ideas back to their origin, recognising where negative thought patterns were created and how wrong they can be.

We can get in touch with what we truly want our life to look like, and tap into the ways we know deep down that we can achieve that.

A practice of self study through journaling can be the spark you need to ignite your desire to live the life you truly want, to beat the self sabotage, procrastination and fears that can hold us back in life.

Who are you?  A Journaling Journey

I would love to invite you to join me for 5 days of deep self study in the Getting to Know YOU self study experience.  In this guided email challenge, you will dive deep into self study and reflection, with powerful daily prompts, real time conversations, shared space to talk and discuss what we experience and breathing and relaxation exercises to help you become fully present before you begin your journaling practice.

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Esther Nagle
Teacher, writer, speaker at Balance and Breathe
Esther is a former alcoholic, smoker and all round stressed out mess. She found the path to health, happiness, freedom and joy through Yoga. She is a passionate advocate for the power of Yoga, and time in Nature, in bringing balance to life, and giving you control over your health, happiness and wellbeing.

Esther is a powerful public speaker, writer and author. Her first book, Bent Back into Shape, Beating Addiction Through Yoga, has gained many 5 star reviews and has helped many people along their recovery journey.